Walking to the Heartbeat of Spring

Today, I saw a┬áheard of 16 deer drinking water at Maxwell pond, next to several Canada geese. I saw a man chopping wood. I saw a magpie carrying a stick that seemed impossibly large for her small body. I saw a healthy, fat squirrel with cheeks full. I saw a man reel in a fish he caught. I saw three generations of women walking together, the youngest skipping and trying to run and still hold her mom’s hand. I saw two parents tend to their baby in a stroller. I saw buds of trees and flowers preparing themselves.

This is why I walk.

I walk because I like to feel my feet takes steps on the earth.

Only in Swahili

Heart ripped and
hanging.

Every time you call, I still can’t pick up the phone. I let your call go to voicemail because it never feels like the right time to answer. Which is to say I’m a coward.

Years later, and I remember how you’d say the tender things in Swahili. Rarely in English.

“If you could see you the way I see you… Tutounana…”

2012 in review

in 2012 i…

sobbed myself to sleep for 7 nights straight

shrieked when my best friends got married

played on sand dunes

held a baby alligator (softest belly)

moved into my own place after 2+ years of floating

paid off some debt

learned about my relationship to money+ shame when i was denied a board position i worked really hard on

got laid off from a startup i poured my heart into

reconnected with community

read amazing books & writings

started really connecting with people on a heart level

watched friends shift & transform like i never knew possible

renewed my faith in God

played with my nephews and built tent forts and legos and read books and wiped noses

turned 30

cried for humanity

lost a dear family member

thought a lot about my grandfather’s legacy

pined for a mentor (still haven’t found one. or really looked, either)

walked up lots of mountains

changed my diet dramatically

felt financially secure and responsible – most empowering thing i learned that i’m worth it & enough

bought real art

made granola from scratch

chose vulnerability over pride. sometimes.

started walking. a lot.

worked on not comparing myself.

created amazing relationships and partnerships

drank so much tea.

stuck my feet in the pacific ocean, running along an utterly empty beach

hiked my first 14er

let dancing fall off of my priority list

saw my first Cirque du Soleil show

volunteered for local events

saw a picture of the insides of my eyeballs for the first time (technology; amazing)

visited crested butte for the first time

snowshoed for the first time

met with a financial planner for the first time

started using a standing desk that dad built me

built bridges instead of burning them

loved, hard.